Maya’s Story

I am a 49 year old man, serving 21 years in the Defence Force. But it all started back when I was a teenager and followed me through my life.

At the age of 13, I started drinking to run away from my pain. I found out the hard way that drinking and suicide ideation don’t mix and ended up in rehab at age 22. I have been sober ever since.

In about 2010, my thoughts started turning back towards ending my life. I found myself going through a life changing and traumatising accident. This left me thinking about ending my life, once again. I knew a part of myself didn’t come back with me and knew I was going to be a danger to myself, so I asked for help.

My life had changed forever. I lost count of how many times I tried to take my life and I wasn’t able to work again. We moved to Perth (where my family live) so I could have support. I called someone every morning to say I was alive. Sometimes they would call me if I hadn’t made the call, even though sometimes it was as simple as me not being able to find my phone.

Suicide ideation wasn’t all I was dealing with. I had severe anxiety, I couldn’t speak more than three words without stuttering and I had the shakes so bad I had to think really hard to make it stop. I have depression and PTSD, memory loss, and even a little brain damage. I felt like I was a prisoner in my own world – I didn’t see a way out of my situation, so my thoughts kept coming back to taking my own life.

Through time, and with a lot of hard work, I was able to slowly re-enter the world. I started to think: ‘I am walking forward’. I even felt the need to help other Veterans. If I can walk forward, so can they. Sometimes I felt my efforts fell on deaf ears, so I would lose hope again. Time and time again, I had to find new paths to follow.

I found myself working in my garden and listening to music, and I started to write poetry. These things were so helpful, and writing poetry was new for me. I didn’t know I could do it. But I did know, it was time to turn things around again.

With the right support, my life was taking a new turn – from always thinking about taking my life, to being well enough to talk to others about where I had come from to where I am now. I was slowly growing and my mindset was changing. I was thinking ‘I CAN do this,’ and it had been a long time since I thought that.

From a scared and broken child in a man’s body to a man with hope, I was slowly able to reconnect to society. I was pushing my personnel boundaries into new territories.

Yes I have PTSD, and yes I have other mental ailments, yet I am not waiting at home for them to run my life. Now, I have learnt the self-care skills it takes to keep me well.

“Remember, from darkness comes beauty.”

I have suffered the dreaded D word, depression, since 1994, but wasn’t diagnosed until about 1996.

Back then I had no idea what I was going through. In those dreadful days, before I got help, I would kiss my wife goodbye and head off to work, not knowing if I would return. I would drive two hours to an auction and cry for those two hours. I’d be a gibbering mess, but then I’d get up an auctioneer and do my bit, happy as Larry, and then hop in the car and the same thing would happen on my way home. I knew something wasn’t right. The first time I attempted or thought about suicide was in about 1998.

My help-seeking began when I started noticing that I wasn’t in the best physical or mental state, I was 174 kilos, and had high blood pressure, so I visited my local doctor. After I nearly broke down answering some of his questions after a few visits, he diagnosed my feelings as Depression and started me on medication. It hit me that what I was feeling had been doing a pretty damn good job eating me away mentally and putting dark thoughts in my head.

This is when I rang that vital number. I had always heard of 13 11 14, Lifeline’s crisis number, but I had done nothing about it. After I made the call to Lifeline, my life changed from there. There was something around the corner and that little bit of light was there.

I am now a better person and am living life to the max. I have my physical health as well as the once dreaded D word under control. I always remind myself about it, I had depression but with the help of friends, family, a good doctor and the good Lord, I got through it. The main reason I share my story is to help others out there who may be feeling like I was, I want to say: “Hang in there and be strong.”

Retired cricketer Brad Hogg has achieved a sporting success level that would envious many Australians.

Raised on a sheep farm in the Great Southern region, Brad rose from the Tarwonga Cricket Club to represent Australia as a wrist spin bowler and batsman.

He excelled at all formats of the game, ranking second among spin bowlers in wickets taken in One Day International cricket and achieving cult hero status as part of the fledgling Big Bash League in the 2010s.

However, retirement from cricket presented a difficult challenge for Brad. The loss of identity as a professional athlete, combined with issues in his personal life, resulted in Brad’s mental health declining. Brad says he compounded the problem by hiding it behind a forced smile and trademark self-deprecation.

“While I went through my stuff, I didn’t really talk to anyone about it. I just kept it inside myself and didn’t really express it,” he says. “I just didn’t see the answers, and all I could see was doom and gloom.”

Brad didn’t access resources like Lifeline WA when he needed help, and now he’s motivated to spread the word about Lifeline WA so others don’t make the same mistake.

“When you go down into a little bit of a spiral and things aren’t going right, if you don’t address them straight away then the hole just gets bigger,” he says.

Speaking publicly about his experience of depression for the first time was difficult, but Brad sees it as necessary.

“The first time I spoke, I was really nervous, but when I realised I could help at least one or 10 or 100 people, I felt better about it,” he says. “I hope that normalising life’s struggles and encouraging people to be open makes an impact.”

His message for people who are struggling is simple. “For me, it’s about talking it out and getting open with it when you start to see things aren’t going right. There are resources out there like Lifeline WA to help you.”