I am a 49 year old man, serving 21 years in the Defence Force. But it all started back when I was a teenager and followed me through my life.
At the age of 13, I started drinking to run away from my pain. I found out the hard way that drinking and suicide ideation don’t mix and ended up in rehab at age 22. I have been sober ever since.
In about 2010, my thoughts started turning back towards ending my life. I found myself going through a life changing and traumatising accident. This left me thinking about ending my life, once again. I knew a part of myself didn’t come back with me and knew I was going to be a danger to myself, so I asked for help.
My life had changed forever. I lost count of how many times I tried to take my life and I wasn’t able to work again. We moved to Perth (where my family live) so I could have support. I called someone every morning to say I was alive. Sometimes they would call me if I hadn’t made the call, even though sometimes it was as simple as me not being able to find my phone.
Suicide ideation wasn’t all I was dealing with. I had severe anxiety, I couldn’t speak more than three words without stuttering and I had the shakes so bad I had to think really hard to make it stop. I have depression and PTSD, memory loss, and even a little brain damage. I felt like I was a prisoner in my own world – I didn’t see a way out of my situation, so my thoughts kept coming back to taking my own life.
Through time, and with a lot of hard work, I was able to slowly re-enter the world. I started to think: ‘I am walking forward’. I even felt the need to help other Veterans. If I can walk forward, so can they. Sometimes I felt my efforts fell on deaf ears, so I would lose hope again. Time and time again, I had to find new paths to follow.
I found myself working in my garden and listening to music, and I started to write poetry. These things were so helpful, and writing poetry was new for me. I didn’t know I could do it. But I did know, it was time to turn things around again.
With the right support, my life was taking a new turn – from always thinking about taking my life, to being well enough to talk to others about where I had come from to where I am now. I was slowly growing and my mindset was changing. I was thinking ‘I CAN do this,’ and it had been a long time since I thought that.
From a scared and broken child in a man’s body to a man with hope, I was slowly able to reconnect to society. I was pushing my personnel boundaries into new territories.
Yes I have PTSD, and yes I have other mental ailments, yet I am not waiting at home for them to run my life. Now, I have learnt the self-care skills it takes to keep me well.
“Remember, from darkness comes beauty.”
Other real stories
Rosanna’s Story
Rosanna Leo is the Western Australian finalist for Lifeline’s Mary Parsissons Outstanding Volunteer Award.
The award recognises the outstanding effort of volunteers across the country who have contributed to the community, have been an inspiration within their centre and shown leadership.
Rosanna has been a dedicated Telephone Crisis supporter with Lifeline WA since 2012 and was nominated for excellence in the volunteer field, leadership and for making an inspirational contribution to the community.
Having previously worked in education and small business, Rosanna currently works with people living with a disability, bringing what she’s learnt throughout her life to her role at Lifeline WA. Rosanna’s drive to continually learn and improve her knowledge in both her personal and professional life, is evident with every person she helps, on and off the phones.
Rosanna is inspired by the tenacity of people in crisis, as well as the kindness, compassion, and professionalism of her colleagues.
“We have a very inspirational volunteering environment of mutual respect and growth, individually and collectively.”
“Nothing yet beats being part of a team dedicated to offering a safe space for people in crisis to turn to and be deeply heard and responded to, no matter who they are, when they call or whatever their circumstance.”
We are proud to have Rosanna as part of the Lifeline WA team.
Tiny’s Story
I have suffered the dreaded D word, depression, since 1994, but wasn’t diagnosed until about 1996.
Back then I had no idea what I was going through. In those dreadful days, before I got help, I would kiss my wife goodbye and head off to work, not knowing if I would return. I would drive two hours to an auction and cry for those two hours. I’d be a gibbering mess, but then I’d get up an auctioneer and do my bit, happy as Larry, and then hop in the car and the same thing would happen on my way home. I knew something wasn’t right. The first time I attempted or thought about suicide was in about 1998.
My help-seeking began when I started noticing that I wasn’t in the best physical or mental state, I was 174 kilos, and had high blood pressure, so I visited my local doctor. After I nearly broke down answering some of his questions after a few visits, he diagnosed my feelings as Depression and started me on medication. It hit me that what I was feeling had been doing a pretty damn good job eating me away mentally and putting dark thoughts in my head.
This is when I rang that vital number. I had always heard of 13 11 14, Lifeline’s crisis number, but I had done nothing about it. After I made the call to Lifeline, my life changed from there. There was something around the corner and that little bit of light was there.
I am now a better person and am living life to the max. I have my physical health as well as the once dreaded D word under control. I always remind myself about it, I had depression but with the help of friends, family, a good doctor and the good Lord, I got through it. The main reason I share my story is to help others out there who may be feeling like I was, I want to say: “Hang in there and be strong.”
Chris’ Story
Chris Puckridge has been named WA finalist for Lifeline’s Mary Parsissons Outstanding Volunteer Award.
Chris was nominated by fellow Lifeline WA volunteers for excellence in the volunteer field, leadership and for making an inspirational contribution to the community.
Chris has been a dedicated telephone crisis supporter since 2014, going over and above his weekly commitment to work shifts over public holidays, provide support and mentoring to other crisis supporters and volunteering to facilitate training for new crisis supporters.
Originally a stockman, Chris has worked in regional areas for many years before joining Lifeline WA. He brings this experience and unique knowledge to his volunteer role and has a strong empathy for people in regional areas and the issues they face.
“The training and support you receive at Lifeline gives you the strength to deal with people when they are often at the lowest point of their lives,” he said.
“I often listen to other crisis supporters on the phones and I am in awe of how they respond so calmly and professionally to people who can be in life or death situations or on the other hand sometimes people are just lonely and isolated and need to hear a kind and non-judgemental voice.”
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